Thursday, November 30, 2006

NaBloPoMo, It's So Hard To Let You Go

I'm already feeling all nostalgic for November and the daily posts. But not enough to keep at it through December.

This morning I found that the cat had peed on a piece of water-resistant fabric I'd left on the floor. Being crafty and impervious to grossness, I grabbed a breastmilk storage bag and poured the pee in. I took it to the vet for testing today, and they called to tell me the cat has signs of kidney damage. She goes in tomorrow morning for bloodwork. I'm worried, but I'm not freaking out until I know more.

My neatfreak visitors have still not arrived--I thought they'd be here a few hours ago. I could have napped! I'm going to attempt to doze with baby J. They'll be sure to come soon if I do.

Last Day!

Technically, it's November 30th now. So why the hell am I still awake?

I was just tidying the kitchen, and rather than empty out the last few ounces of red wine left over from the weekend, I decided to drink it. Three sips later, my head was spinning. I have never felt that spinning head so literally. I couldn't read for the dizziness. I kind of wanted to go up to bed so I could lay down, but I was afraid to attempt the stairs. In a minute or so, it faded. Did I just have a bad wine trip? So much for it helping me go to sleep.

Tomorrow my husband's aunt and cousin are stopping by on their way through town. Suddenly I am seeing my disastrously messy house through their eyes. Even though his cousin is a young mom with two kids (not so little any more, but still), she has never in her life had a house that was not scrupulously clean. Thus the compulsion to tidy the kitchen at midnight. Tomorrow I will mop, or so I tell myself now.

Here's hoping the juniors sleep late tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Just In Case

Here's a quick post in case the computer gets all weird and freezes up again.

Or in case I pass out from exhaustion.

Or in case I forget later.

Or in case my husband takes over the machine and won't let me use it before midnight.

Or whatever.

(Look Ma, no bullets!)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


  • I
  • love
  • bulleted
  • lists

Crazy Going Slowly Am I

I'm coming apart.

This happens every so often. I let little things pile up, and then some big things sneak up and knock me upside the head, and I stay up too late without actually getting anything accomplished, and then I forget to buy coffee, and things start to unravel. I cope with it by freezing like a deer in headlights, watching the large Mack grille loom ever closer. And I clench my jaw a lot.

So, as much as I've enjoyed this month's NaBloPoMo festivities, I am very excited about the end of the month. One less obligation to fulfill! Now I'll have an extra ten minutes or so each day, which I can spend wringing my hands about all the stuff I'm still not getting done. 'Tis the season, I suppose.

It doesn't help that it's about 90 million degrees below zero (with wind chill!), making it nigh impossible to leave the house. We braved it today to go to an indoor playground. Some defining moments:
  • The closest available parking space was a fair hike to the building. The colder G gets, the more slowly he moves. It was a long, long, long, long walk.
  • Once inside, the kids were happy to drink from the public water fountain. And dribble it down their fronts. And dip their sleeves into it. And get very, very wet. Which feels so refreshing when it's 90 million degrees below zero (with wind chill!).
  • Not that I could talk them into leaving the playground anyway.
  • So I dragged them, pouty and whiny, to the front desk to ask if there was someplace they could wait inside while I fetched the car and brought it to the door, sparing us the long, long, long, long, very, very wet walk through 90 million degrees below zero (with wind chill!).
  • The kind ladies directed me to the child care area, and even gave me a free 1/2 hour. Not only did I get the car, I used the bathroom without watching someone wiggle under the stall door and run away!
  • When I returned to collect the kids, they were extremely disappointed to see me. They didn't care that the car was idling outside, getting all toasty for them and draining the tank of pricey fuel. There were toy cars here. Lord knows they don't get to play with those very often.
  • G zigzagged away as I moved to lead him away from the toy cars he loves more than his own mother. I lumbered gracelessly after him while baby J, who was tied to my chest, merrily clawed at my face and pulled my hair. Pity radiated from the child care staff.
  • I dragged them, pouty and whiny, into the car. They fell asleep about four blocks from home and were sufficiently re-energized to tear the house apart before dinner.

Good times.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Still In It!

But it was close.

It's late, and I've been waiting impatiently for my turn to use the computer so I could post something. Now I'm tired and crabby, and I need to grab a snack before bed, so once again, the blog gets the shaft.

But! But! Christmas gift inspiration has struck, and I am currently making a few gifts for family members. I hope they don't suck. The gifts, I mean--we won't go there about the family.

Sunday, November 26, 2006


  • gifts--which to buy, which to make (tick tick tick)
  • house--hostess duties this year; must clean toilets more often
  • kids--acting like wee hooligans
  • school--threatening to bar kids from attending if they aren't vaccinated with flu shot
  • cat--peeing and pooping on floor
  • baby--not sleeping well
  • laptop battery--about to die and cut off my post

Saturday, November 25, 2006

T-Minus 5

I am not feeling well today (wouldn't it be ironic if it was the flu?). But I did manage to pull myself together long enough to whip up a pear-raspberry crisp with almond topping, so now I'm nursing myself back to health with that. I'll let you know how that works.

Too tired to post more...hopefully I have at least one more good post in me before November is through.

Friday, November 24, 2006

NaBloPoMo, You've Turned Me Into A Terrible Hostess

Because instead of talking to the people in my house, I'm typing on my computer. While they watch. I'm a terrible person.

Thanks, NaBloPoMo. Thanks a lot.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Parents Just Don't Understand

You know what's sad? Exchanging witty banter with someone via the comments section of a blog; making what would be a 23 second dialogue last instead for a few days; relaying the wit to your mom via telephone whilst feeling all saucy and clever about this exchange; and being met with the equivalent of cricket chirps.

Is it more sad that I'm posting that?

Also, I'm pretty sure I just totally abused my semicolon key.

me :: punctuation
Achilles :: heel

ONE WEEK LEFT! Let the countdown begin!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Day 22! Whoopty Doo! I Like To Rhyme! All The Time!

Okay, just some of the time.

So I wasn't even hung over this morning after my NaDruWriNi. Yay me! I guess it was a good idea to get the heavy drinking (shut up, for me, that was heavy drinking) out of the way immediately after dinner. By bedtime, my buzz had pretty much worn off. A couple of extra pints of water, and I woke this morning feeling extra tired but otherwise none the worse. It may have been better if I'd felt like death this morning. Now I'm cocky.

One of these days I'm going to have to do something with this template--jazz it up a bit. I haven't had a spare moment yet. It kind of feels like moving into an apartment without any furniture. I need to hang up my pictures, artfully toss a few cushions, unroll that area rug. This site looks dulldulldull. One day, pets, do not fear.

My roommate and I actually did that when we moved into our first apartment. We were so excited to be moving out of that hellish little town, we went a few days ahead of our furniture. We slept on the floor, and realized only when we were hungry that we also had no dishes or pots to cook in. We borrowed a couple of things from a nearby friend and cooked up some Kraft Dinner. We ate from a large measuring cup. That was a good day.

A question to ponder through the night: why is Lego so damned expensive? I leave you to it, internet--I expect elucidation on the morrow.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I TOtally Forgot What I Was Going To Call This Post

So this isit, my NaDruWriNi. I was going to link that, but I'm too lazy right now. Maybe tomorrow. I'mon my 2nd or 3rd glassof wine. Yay Tuesday! Dropping the kids off at school tomorrow is going to be all kinds of cool--I'll just keep my sunglasses on.

Whatever, I'm already the subversive weird mom. I nursed G one day before his nap because I happened to be there, and one of his teachers was astounded. Now I'm digging in my heels about the flu vaccine. They will probably just look knowingly at one another if I show up with a hangover.

I'm feeling a tad bitter about this vaccine business. Does it show?

Wow, I really am drunk. Realy drunk. I'm such a lightweight! Flyweight? I don';t know the difference. My typos are making me smkile. Whateber smkile is. This is only funny to me. And growing funnier. **sip**

I'm trying to reconcile myself to being an introvert. I wish I were more extroverted. I would love to have more friends. There are a couple of ladies in particular that I really enjoy hanging out with, but I never seem to find the time. Then I feel like a douchebag for not making the effort to call them.

"Extroverted" makes me think of "perverted." **sip**

Because I like lists:

I Am
  • Canadian (and the Canadians will get this as the beer reference it is. I don't drink beer, which N calls "beard")
  • a terrible housekeeper
  • a cat person
  • evidently a cheap drunk
  • newly interested in hockey (the playoffs last year pulled me in)
  • broke
  • a Scorpio
  • born in the year of the Dragon (guess how old I am?)
  • on the verge of giving away all the plants I forget to water
  • getting reacquainted (did I spell that right?) with my old love, coffee. Not at tgis moment, mind you
  • sad that I have drunk all the wine
  • grateful that there isn't any more wine, because I would drink it
  • done with this list

Why don't I get drubk more often? (Tomorrow I will tell you why.) Whee! I will regret it if I am successful, but I an going to search out some more wine.

Fortunately---or not--I have truly drunk all the wine. Now I am goingg to play some Guitar Hero with my sweet baboo. Yippee!

This was fun. I think I should do it again before the month is through.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Not Tonight Honey, I'm Too Bitchy

Our Christmas tree is up. This was not my idea. Leaving the jack-o-lanterns on the front step to watch their faces collapse? Totally my idea. I'm awesome at forgetting they exist--until someone comes to the door and is forced to stand near them. At least it's too cold for flies.

I'm still trying to deny the fact that Christmas is coming, though it's a little harder to do so with the intrusive twinkling happening in our living room. It's also hard to do with the intrusive draining happening to my bank account.

I was going to go further with this, but it's just going to make me grouchy.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Not Tonight Honey, I'm Too Tired

Can't stay awake.

More tomorrow.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Enough Balls--Bring On The Boobs

I would like to gather the bra-makers of the world in a room and knock their empty little heads together.

I was going to clarify that my wrath was reserved for the makers of cheap, ill-fitting bras. But then I got all pissy that the good bras cost so damn much, so I'd like to crack some posh skulls too.

I've been bra shopping, can you tell?

I'd like to know why a band size can't be the same from brand to brand. It's a measurement! Why is one brand's 34 smaller than another brand's 34? And for that matter, I don't even want a 34--a 32 is a better fit, but they're impossible to find in the cheap section. Since my cup size is fluctuating on a pretty much hourly basis (due to that whole lactation thing), I refuse to shell out for a bra that will probably not fit me for very long.

Then again, maybe it will. I am currently wearing a bra so old and ratty that I feared it was going to just crumble into dust, leaving my boobs unfettered and unsupported. And dusty. Yes, I've definitely gotten my money's worth out of this one.

So that's one bra-maker who escapes the skull-thumping. The rest of them? A bunch of useless tits.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Barbara Jamie Bearden Kilpatrick: January 18, 1977 - November 17, 2006

She died today. I am so profoundly sorry for her children, and for her husband.

I don't feel much like writing. I thought I'd cried enough for this family I've never met, but apparently I'm not done yet.

I'm going to go eat some dessert, and give surreptitious hugs to my sleeping kids.


Thursday, November 16, 2006

Scarred Children, Unscarred Balls

The kids and I spent four hours at the childrens' exhibit in the museum today. On the way home, they passed out, so I pulled into the garage, turned off the car, and took the baby into the house, leaving the bigger kids to sleep for a bit longer. Once I'd nursed J back to sleep, I went out to wake the big guys--only they were already awake. And freaking out.

The poor kids had awakened to find themselves strapped into their seats, alone, in the dimly lit garage. They'd screamed for me for at least a few minutes before I meandered out there. My bad. Hopefully I'd banked enough Good Mom points at the museum to outweigh that little whoopsie.

So D thought he was getting a vasectomy today. (Screw lunch--the genitals of your significant other are a great source of post material!) As it turns out, the appointment was just a consultation, to give him an overview of the procedure and provide him with his specimen cup, which he doesn't need until March, when the actual procedure will take place. Why the heck would they give him a specimen cup now?

I'd like to wrap this up with a happy thought about the reprieve granted to my husband's scrotum, but we've just scarred another child. Baby J has a cut on his finger and is bleeding, and is requiring my ministrations.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Needles, Christmas, & Testicles--Yeah, Baby

I just loooooove it when I spend the majority of my day finding information online, sift through it to pick out the relevent bits, then try to print what I need, only to find that 1) I'm out of paper, and 2) I'm out of ink. Dagnabbit.

I'm trying to find info to back up my position that my kids don't need the flu shot. Their school says they do. Because it's located within a seniors' continuing care centre, and they implement a multigenerational program (the kids get to hang with the oldsters from time to time), their policy is that every child in attendance must be vaccinated. I understand where they're coming from--they're just doing their best to ensure that everyone, young and old, stays healthy and safe. And I'm doing the same for my kids--I just happen to feel that electing to not inject my kids with the flu vaccine is the best way to keep them healthy and safe.

I'm worried that, although there is no law stating that the vaccine is mandatory, they will refuse to allow my kids to attend without a dose of the flu vaccine in them. Then we'll be back to square one, finding a suitable school (with a different vaccine policy) and getting the kids settled there. N has really come to like it there, and G is getting comfortable now. I would hate to shake up their routines again.


In other news, I bought a couple of Christmas presents today! It's a small dent, but it's a dent. I am having a hard time accepting that Christmas is coming so fast. You'd think all that snow outside would make it a little more real for me, but I can't seem to face facts.

Other, other news: D goes tomorrow to get his "nuts cut." His phrase, not mine. Baby J is the very last amazing, beautiful, little person to grow inside me. Which also means he's the very last actually-not-so-little person to force his way out of me. I am looking forward to one day getting some sleep, hopefully within five years.

One more thing: HALFWAY, BABY! HALFWAY!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Make Mine A Double

The kids and I attended an attachment parenting group today. It was nice, I suppose. A good enough reason to hang out with some like-minded moms--and someone had brought cookies, which can pretty much make any function a good one, in my book.

But there was one comment that sort of irked me, and is still nagging at me a bit. The mom who had invited me said, as she watched my boys run about, "Watching your kids makes me realize that my son isn't so wild and crazy after all--he's just a boy." I'm sure she didn't mean to imply that my sons were misbehaving (although they could have been a little more subdued). Yet she was kind of implying that my kids were at least a little out of control.

Maybe I was just feeling defensive. Mine were the oldest children in attendance, and the most (hyper)active. They weren't hitting anyone, or grabbing toys from anyone, or being mean--but they certainly were running. And climbing.

Enh, whatever. I don't have any new insights about moms picking at each other's self-esteem. I just felt a little deflated. And that didn't exactly make me want to return for the next meeting. Maybe I'll go with a mini-bar in tow! That'll sure smooth over all the rough edges!

Monday, November 13, 2006

Slinking Back To The Keyboard In Shame

Alright, alright. I'll try for something at least a little wordier, if not more rewarding, than that last post.

I'm a little down today. No real reason. But I'm going to come up with a list that highlights some of the good stuff about today.

  1. We went to the museum's very cool childrens' display, and my kids had a BLAST.
  2. I got to hook up with a friend and her little boy at the museum.
  3. I bumped into someone I'd met this summer, and she was just as friendly today as she was then.
  4. I also bumped into another acquaintance and got to see her cute new baby.
  5. My coffee was reeeeally good this morning.
  6. People weren't driving like douchebags today!
  7. I finally got a pile of laundry put away.
  8. Chocolate bar. Mmmmm.
  9. The baby finally went to sleep! And stayed asleep when I put him down!
  10. It sounds trite, but I really am thankful for the health of my family.
Okay, I feel a little better now. Thanks, internet!

Also, I feel the need to celebrate a belated NaDruWriNi. Not tonight, probably not tomorrow night, but soon. Ish. God, what a brilliant idea. Look for drunken ramblings coming your way soon!

haiku: "copout post"

i am so bitchy
the diaper pail is stinky
go to sleep, baby

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Babies Are The New Black

J is the Ultimate Party Baby. He accompanied us to a housewarming party on Thursday, and last night he was my cute accessory at a welcome-home-from-Australia-you-lunatic party. He is happy to gurgle and smile at people, and when he's tired, he just cuddles up to me and goes to sleep, music and chatter be damned. I might just need to start cultivating a social life.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Another Link, And The Day I Wanted The Earth To Swallow Me Whole

Let me start by directing you to a blog. This used to be a run-of-the-mill sort of blog, but recently it has become the chronicle of a family in crisis, as well as a beautiful love story. A mother of two boys is fighting for her life, felled by a mystery infection. Her husband updates frequently, and his love for her is truly something to behold. ****WARNING**** If you are feeling emotionally fragile right now, or you're having your portrait taken and don't want puffy eyes or something, maybe wait until later to check it out. But do check it out.

Also, I am going to share an embarassing story with you. No, the embarassing story, the one that makes me physically cringe.

G was delivered at a birthing centre. It's a hospital that works in tandem with a midwifery program, and it's covered by our provincial health plan. It's a pretty ideal setting for someone who wants the care of a midwife, but isn't willing or able to shell out the thousands it costs for a midwife assisted home birth. So we made the long, long 45 minute drive (although I think we managed it in 30 minutes) with my contracting bulk writhing about in the front seat.

I was really looking forward to labouring in a pool. I mean, I wasn't looking forward to the labour part, but if it's gotta be done--and often, it's gotta--then the pool was where I wanted to be. G was born into the water, and we remained in the pool, cuddling and nursing, until I delivered the placenta. After that, it was time to get out, shower, and relocate to a warm bed. Baby G was with his daddy, and the midwives were busily filling out papers and attending to other administrative chores. I needed help to heave myself out of the pool and waddle to the shower; the task fell to the nurse, a youngish brunette named Marie.

I hadn't formed a real connection with the nurse. We hadn't met prior to that night/early morning, and she was rather business-like, in contrast to the huggy midwives. I had been so wrapped up in each contraction I'd scarcely noticed her, except that she'd made me lay on a bed with a monitor wrapped around my belly--hospital policy--for what seemed like ages before I was allowed to clamber into the pool.

Now everyone else had retreated, and Marie and I were left to wrestle my oddly deflated body out of the water. She grasped my arm at the elbow and took my hand, and pulled me out of the flotsam to a standing position. As I stood on wobbly legs, Marie bent beside me supporting my weight, a large gush of post-partum gore surged out of me and fell into the pool with a splash. Marie jerked slightly and froze. We stood motionless for a moment before I looked down and saw her wiping her face with her sleeve. I had just splashed this woman in the face with blood from my crotch.

I wanted to die. I wanted to apologize profusely--though she tried somewhat to downplay it, her disgust was evident--but my mortification rendered me mute. I was too horrified with myself to speak. She helped me to the shower, and I stayed there as long as my legs would hold me, trying to prolong the moment when I would have to face her again.

I never said anything to her. What could I say? "Sorry about that" just didn't seem sufficient. "Whoops, didn't mean to spray you with gore from my ladyparts" seemed to make it even worse. So I said nothing, and we tried to pretend it hadn't happened.

Over two years later, I still blush to think of it.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Mystery! Intrigue! And Some SHOUTING!

Here in the nitty-gritty suburbs, my driveway was the scene of a sting operation last night. And I missed it!

While I galavanted at a housewarming party, falsely secure in the vanilla-bland safety of my 'hood, there were UNDERCOVER COPS in UNDERCOVER VEHICLES parked in MY DRIVEWAY. They were surveilling someone in MY CUL-DE-SAC. Now I am consumed with curiosity--who were they watching? Why?

Were they watching Ed, the guy who washes his car more than anyone I've ever known? Were they watching Motorbike Guy, the guy with the large, stupid dog? Were they staking out the house that's full of yappy little dogs who poop, willy-nilly, all over the grass and sidewalk next to our house? Maybe our next-door neighbours, who excavated a giant hole in their backyard, then stopped all work, leaving huge piles of dirt to wait until spring. What's going on in my neighbourhood? I MUST KNOW!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

You Can Take The Girl Out Of The Ghetto...

Tonight I am going to a housewarming party for my husband's coworker and his wife. They are genuinely great people, but I'm always intimidated by outings such as these. Maybe I should have a drink before we go. Nothing says "class" like showing up bombed. At 6:30.

One drink will get me pretty buzzed these days, but I used to be made of slightly tougher stuff. As a young whippersnapper, I had a penchant for vodka mixed with pretty much anything. During my student days, my roommate and I had a shelf decorated with empty vodka bottles of various sizes. It was something of a focal point in our apartment, pulling the eye from the filth of our carpet. The only vacuum we owned for a year was a Dustbuster, which came in handy all those times we tipped ashtrays and littered the place with butts and ashes. It wasn't good for much else. It certainly didn't do much when we spilled our vodka mixed with Grape Kool-Aid, which was our drink of choice for a time.

That apartment was on the lucky 13th floor. Our door was nestled in the corner between the stairwell door and the garbage chute. Cozy! The view was of the back alley and a parking lot. The elevator smelled like urine and the stairwell smelled like pot and the garbage chute smelled like a rotting carcass on the very hot August weekend we moved in--but just like regular garbage after they pulled the rotting carcass out. The story we got was that it was an animal carcass, and I choose to believe that.

The house we're going to tonight is across town and a world away from that apartment. It's spacious, bright, and immaculate, and I'm reasonably sure there won't be a whiff of rotting flesh, animal or otherwise. So I'll be really embarassed if I spill a vodka-Grape-Kool-Aid drink, or tip over an ashtray.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Dig it!

You Are Red Orange

You are a very genuine person, although it takes a while for you to show the true you.
A bit introverted, you desire respect and affection from those close to you.
You are quite empathetic, and you have a true concern for the well being of others.
Many people have warm, heartfelt memories of you - even if you don't remember them well.

The big kids are finally back at school today. Aaaaah, sweet quiet. I got to shop for groceries with just baby J, which is how I like it. I sipped a coffee while I puttered and meandered through the store, and ended up spending a metric buttload. Ah well, now we have more options for dinner than tomato soup.

Now that the commotion and flurry of children is safely contained elsewhere, I can start to think about sewing again. After the madness of making their Halloween costumes, I needed a little breather. Now I need to start thinking about the dress I want to sew myself for the company Christmas party. Fun! I haven't sewn clothes for me in ages. I might get ambitious and draft my own pattern--we'll see. Can't wait to get cracking!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Linkety Link Link

Here comes some linkage for all y'all. Carrying it forward after Gus showed me the same kindness. Great idea! Let's spread that NaBloPoMo love!

Kate is having a bad day. That's a shame, since she just had a birthday, and I like to ride that birthday wave for as many days as possible. Here's hoping tomorrow is a happier one!

Badger is shopping with her mom, to the tune of a Tracy Bonham song. I like that song. I like shopping with my mom, too. Heck, I just like shopping.

Andrea is feeling glam today. She's doing the self-portrait challenge! Ooooh, I want to do that! I am not at my most glam today, so it shall wait.

Besides, I have an appointment to RAWK with my beloved. He brought home Guitar Hero II, and we need to get our respective grooves on. Be cool, stay in school, and link, link, link. Peace out, yo!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Holy Guacamole

All my kids are asleep. At the same time. This is highly unusual. I should have a drink to celebrate.

Baby's awake. Now I really need a drink.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Pee to the Oh to the Oh to the Pee

I would like to post about something that is not poop. Sadly, there is nothing else happening in my world right now.

There is much gastrointestinal distress happening in my house. Last week, N had about a half day of squirty-bum. Then G succumbed, and he squirted for the better part of a week. Now that he's improving, it's bounced back to N. And of course, baby J is always a squirty kind of guy. Throw in the cat's mess (on the mat beside the back door), and I am officially overwhelmed. And my hands are about to bleed from all the washing.

I can think of all sorts of fascinating posts when I'm not near the computer; my charm and wit are at their zenith. As soon as I sit down at the keyboard, my fingers fly to the p and the o and the o and the p.


In other news, my dad is working in the area right now, so he came by yesterday and spent the night. It's great to have his company, especially as he's an incredibly handy sort of guy. He'd only been here a few hours before we had three new doors (picked up with his truck) in the basement, and one mostly installed before bedtime.

It's really special to watch my husband interact with my dad. There is obvious respect and admiration, a genuine bond that deepens whenever they spend time together. My dad is a great teacher, and my husband is his willing student. I feel very lucky to have two of the most important people in my life enjoy one another's company the way they do.

And, thank God, neither of them pooped their pants today.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

How to Generate Vaguely Entertaining Post Fodder--In Five Short Days

Day One
  • Attend children's party. Notice that your child refuses all snacks.
  • Return home and watch as your child vomits and suffers multiple bouts of diarrhea. Think about all the other children he played closely with that day.
  • Discover that you have left your purse at the party.
Day Two
  • Call party hostess to warn her of possible contagion; learn that two other children have shown signs of illness.
  • Forget to pick up purse.
Day Three
  • Forget to pick up purse.
Day Four
  • Forget to pick up purse.
  • Go to grocery store to buy two items; bring $0.06 less than total price of two items.
Day Five
  • Call hostess to let her know you will finally be coming to pick up purse; receive no answer.
  • Repeat above step--all day.

I wish I could say it was all for the blog...but really, it was just a pretty typical week.

Friday, November 03, 2006


Now that G is finally more comfortable with school (ie, not shrieking and monkeying up my leg as soon as we near the door), he has conveniently become grossly ill, and thus unable to attend school. He's not so ill that he wants to rest quietly--heaven forbid he get any extra sleep! No, he's just ill enough to periodically squirt poop out of his Pull-Up, then continue his (now stinky) reign of terror.

Yesterday I was also ill, though fortunately not with G's squirty-bum problem. My symptoms were more along the lines of raging-headache-and-narcoleptic-tendency. I kept dozing on the couch, waking to find the house in greater and greater chaos. Often the kids would be mysteriously absent, while the muffled crinkling of Halloween candy wrappers emanated from behind the closed pantry door. I was just glad they were being quiet.

Unfortunately, after a few pit stops in the crinkly pantry, they were anything but quiet. They were careening from crazy game to crazier game, pausing only to shriek at one another in either rage or glee--it was becoming harder to tell which was which. My strategy of lounging on the couch, imperiously commanding them to "hush please," and frequently falling asleep was no longer effective. They were officially Out Of Control. And their father was working late.

Bedtime was too painful for me to revisit here. Let's just say that eventually they collapsed, and leave it at that. I went to bed as soon as I was sure they weren't faking it, waiting for me to sleep so they could get up and resume the crazy-making. I awoke this morning to G, who'd clambered onto my bed, oozing poop from his Pull-Up. Goody.

There is no moral to my story. There really isn't even a point. Wait, there's a point--three days down! Twenty-seven to go! Woohoo!

And it only took me three days to get into the poop-talk.

Thursday, November 02, 2006


I do believe I've been poisoned.

Last night I baked some potatoes for dinner, and some of them had green on them. I cut off most of it, but I don't think I got it all. Through the night and this morning I've been fighting waves of nausea and a massive headache. The kids didn't eat theirs, thankfully. Who would've thought it would serve them well to only eat scoops of sour cream, cheese, and bacon bits?

This is not exactly an auspicious start to the month's posts.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Once More With Feeling

Holy crap, I actually did figure it out! Then I failed to figure out that I'd figured it out!


Here We Go!

Okay, that last post? Where I thought I'd figured something out? I was trying to link back to Fussy with that graphic, not the seal generator. So much for feeling like a smarty.

So this is my first NaBloPoMo post. It's officially November 1st, as of five minutes ago, and if I post now I can buy myself a little more time before the next one is due. Random thought: I think I need to fix the timestamp on my posts.

I'll try a real post next, but right now I'm so tired I could barf. See you tomorrow! I mean, later today! Whatever!